New Perspective Big Changes and Results

I recently had a good conversation with a kindergarten teacher and mother of 3 grown children. Our conversation and my reading of the Harvey Karp book The Happiest Toddler on The Block has inspired me to make some changes in the way I think about and relate to Max.

There is a lot to write so I'm going to break it up into 3 posts so it doesn't get to long.

1. Perspective-Old and New:

Old Perspective:

I want to be a great Mom to Max and I will give him my full attention and love when I can. But I need time to prepare healthy meals, clean house and a little time for myself.

When I'm busy Charles can play with Max. It's good for their bonding and it's not like I'm off doing my own thing.

Max shouldn't be clinging to me all the time and I shouldn't pick him up all the time. He should be learning independence.

New Perspective:

Slow Down!!!! Max is still a toddler!

He doesn't understand time or my perspective. He doesn't understand that I'm making a meal for him or that I need time to plan activities. He doesn't understand that I need to clean up after him or that Charles and I need some time to ourselves.

He doesn't understand "Go play with daddy while I make dinner." I have said this to him.

He doesn't understand "You should be able to play by yourself for two minutes while we talk." We have said this to him.

He doesn't know that Daddy is a good substitute for Mommy when I'm busy. He doesn't understand that at all.

What he knows is.... he has needs and he wants those needs met at all times. This is normal for a toddler.

What I know is...... his needs are pretty basic. Food, love, nurturing, and sleep. And for now most importantly Mommy. This will change but for now it is all about mommy. All of the 'I wants' fall into those basic catagories.

This isn't a new revelation for me but I haven't done a good job at getting the basic needs met most of the time besides food and maybe sleep.

I haven't understood at all how to give Max alternative ways of communicating his frustrations without using whining and crying or pulling at me.

I haven't shown him that I understand his frustrations when they occur and that I really want to understand him because it is important to me.

I haven't shown him enough that his needs are top priority to me and being with him is such a pleasure. There is nothing else in the world that compares to it!

So.........I have decided to make some changes in how I interact with Max. With insights from the book, my conversations with Charles and other friends and my own desire to have.........The Happiest Toddler In The World..............

I'm learning Toddler-ese.

The language of Toddlers according to Harvey Karp.

I'll write about it and the changes I've made in the next post.