Some Changes

Today I had a meet and greet at the Kids Clinic. This is going to be Max's new pediatrician. Dr. Carol is an M.D. and her partner Gabriel is an N.D and nurse practitioner. The clinic is so kid friendly Max didn't want to leave. The doctors were amazing and this place is 5 min. from our house. I am so glad to have heard about it from Charles who heard about it from Noah. We had been looking for the right fit for a while and Ballard Swedish wasn't doing it.

Another big change is that Max is switching day care centers. We actually were really happy where Max was going. Looking back they were always good with Max and very available to answer our concerns. After he got over the hurdle of actually going to daycare he really thrived there!

This is why we are a little apprehensive about the switch but the new place Allegro is very close to where I work. I will be able to see Max at lunch and we can share the drop-off and pick-ups instead of Charles doing them all. I also get an amazing vibe from the place and it's been in business for around 20 years with the same director. I got the recommendation from a parent of a 13 year old who is a graduate of Allegro. There are only 7-8 kids in the toddler room with 2 teachers. A 1:4 ratio. The room is really cool too! It has a very homey feel.

I got really lucky on this one. I just happened to call on the right day at the right time kind of a thing. Usually they have a long wait list like the rest of the good ones in Seattle do.

We'll see how it goes. I'm optimistic. The folks at Cosmo kids said Max can go back if it doesn't work out which I think is so amazing of them.

Lastly I'm going to take a Salsa class! It is taught by a mom I met in my Peps class. Her son Diego is 13 months. She feeds him a completely macrobiotic diet! This is what I strive for with Max. It's taught on Saturday afternoons which works for us. I'm happy to get some exercise and connect with other moms.

My Peps class has been so amazing!

Still Sleeping

I forgot to mention we have also been fortunate in the past couple of days to have 2-3 hour naps. I hope this lasts.

Max is also showing lots of interest talking. We are doing call and response one or two syllable stuff like na-na, ba-ba, da-da. Everything that begins with D is Da-da, daddy, dog, door etc. Same for na-na and ba-ba.

He is still mostly using pointing and grunting especially when he gets pissed. It could be he gets frustrated that we don't immediately understand. When he points to a counter top it could be many things before we figure out what he wants.

He definitely seems less frustrated and we are so happy for that.

I bought him a wagon and I plan to go to the park and pull him around on it when he wakes up. I also got a train whistle that really sounds like a train. I like to do that when I'm pulling him. He likes it. I probably look crazy.

Good Days

I don't have long because I'm sure Max is going to wake-up soon but just wanted to post that the past two days have been awesome with Max. I have written that Max tends to be on his worst behavior when he's with mom and dad together.

But yesterday he was fabulous. Lots of laughing, cute faces and good times. We three play ring-around-the-rosie and Max just loves the falling down part. He thinks its hysterical. We fall down on our knees but he falls back on his butt. Thats his favorite part so he likes to keep repeating the falling down part.

Max has also gotten some new moves. He used to dance only by bending his knees up and down and sometimes raising his hands in the air. But now he moves his hips, shoulders and neck. You can see him discovering his body as he's doing it. It's so darn cute! We haven't gotten video yet but we will.

Charles and I also had a date Saturday night. We had Cecelia my friend and former Otis sitter come over after Max went down and we had a nice dinner to celebrate our four year wedding anniversary.

We are going to try to get out by ourselves once a month!

Results

First of all congratulations to Noah and Taryn on the birth of their daughter Elana Lee last Thursday. I haven't been to see her yet because Max was sick over the weekend. Can't wait to meet her though.

So Max and I had a fabulous day last Friday but on Saturday Max became sick which lasted on and off till Monday night. He had his first fever. We learned that it is extremely difficult to take Max's temperature. As of about age one Max isn't very good at letting me clip his nails, clean his ears etc. Since he was sick he was really grumpy about getting his temperature taken.

We have a forehead scanner, a stick under the arm one, an ear thermometer and a digital thermometer. He doesn't like any of them! Even if they only take 3 seconds.

Luckily his fever went down with tylenol Monday night. We thought we'd probably need to get him to the doctor on Tuesday but he sprang to life like nothing had ever happened 45 minutes after we gave him a dose of tylenol. It was so bizarre, he went from being hot, lithargic and feverish to hungry and happy within an hour???

We thought he might get sick again but he never did get the fever back or act sickly so we're just playing it by ear.

So our results from working with signing and the Karp method have been a mixed bag. With him being sick he was pretty grumpy for a while there.

I am having fun with the signs and feel empowered by using them. Max is making the sign for more at dinnertime.

I could write so much about dinnertime. What a mess! I'll have to save it though.

Toddler-ese and Changes

In Harvey Karp's Book The happiest Toddler on the Block, he compares the toddler stage of human development to Chimpanzees. He talks about using fewer words to communicate with your toddler. For example, instead of saying "ohh hunny you bumped your head, I'm so sorry, come here and let me kiss it better." Just say, hurt head, hurt head, hurt head and keep repeating.

He also talks about matching emotion to show that you understand their level of intensity. For example, if they are in the throws of tantrum and you respond in a sing-song, light-hearted way that can be really annoying for them.

As I have started to do this it does feel strange. It reminds me a lot of training Otis (our dog). It bugs me a little to think of a child this way but at the same time it makes sense that our brains grow and evolve and need a solid foundation before we develop more complex language.

Using Toddler-ese for me seems to work for avoiding tantrums and lessening them when they start but I'm not going to walk around all day talking to Max like a he's a dog or a chimp. The book doesn't suggest doing that either. I'm also signing more with Max to help our communication. I had started that a long time ago but got lazy with it.

The other thing I'm changing is how I nurture Max. Max now has full access to me whenever he wants it while we are together. I will never shew him away if I'm making dinner etc. I'll pick him up whenever he pleases. I will explain everything I do by talking or singing and give him things to do that challenge him while he's with me. For example, help mommy put the plate away, or help mommy put the dirty clothes in the washing machine.

This slows me down considerably but is so worth it. I've already noticed such a change in Max. I'm saving results for the next post but it is really amazing.

This isn't to say I was ignoring Max before and shewing him away all the time by any means. I've always made time for him everyday for reading, cuddling, singing, dancing etc. It's just that before I did it all on my own schedule and I would send Max to daddy so that I could get dinner etc. done more quickly. Now I realize that Max needs me when he needs me and daddy when he needs daddy and it's up to him right now.

It's widely known that humans learn more in the first five years of life than at any other time. So many pathways and sections of the brain are wide open and soaking it all in. We have our brains for the rest of our lives but they will never be as open as they are at this critical stage of development. That's why it's so important to be diligent and present in the moment and give them every possibility of reaching their full potential. I have know this and most people know this but it is so worth mentioning and thinking about and reminding myself.

It's so much more than just assuring success or intelligence. It's about assuring confidence and happiness, the ability to love others and how to express emotions. And so much more.

I feel like I want to go on all night about this but it's time to spend time with my husband. Got to run. Things are so much better around here!

New Perspective Big Changes and Results

I recently had a good conversation with a kindergarten teacher and mother of 3 grown children. Our conversation and my reading of the Harvey Karp book The Happiest Toddler on The Block has inspired me to make some changes in the way I think about and relate to Max.

There is a lot to write so I'm going to break it up into 3 posts so it doesn't get to long.

1. Perspective-Old and New:

Old Perspective:

I want to be a great Mom to Max and I will give him my full attention and love when I can. But I need time to prepare healthy meals, clean house and a little time for myself.

When I'm busy Charles can play with Max. It's good for their bonding and it's not like I'm off doing my own thing.

Max shouldn't be clinging to me all the time and I shouldn't pick him up all the time. He should be learning independence.

New Perspective:

Slow Down!!!! Max is still a toddler!

He doesn't understand time or my perspective. He doesn't understand that I'm making a meal for him or that I need time to plan activities. He doesn't understand that I need to clean up after him or that Charles and I need some time to ourselves.

He doesn't understand "Go play with daddy while I make dinner." I have said this to him.

He doesn't understand "You should be able to play by yourself for two minutes while we talk." We have said this to him.

He doesn't know that Daddy is a good substitute for Mommy when I'm busy. He doesn't understand that at all.

What he knows is.... he has needs and he wants those needs met at all times. This is normal for a toddler.

What I know is...... his needs are pretty basic. Food, love, nurturing, and sleep. And for now most importantly Mommy. This will change but for now it is all about mommy. All of the 'I wants' fall into those basic catagories.

This isn't a new revelation for me but I haven't done a good job at getting the basic needs met most of the time besides food and maybe sleep.

I haven't understood at all how to give Max alternative ways of communicating his frustrations without using whining and crying or pulling at me.

I haven't shown him that I understand his frustrations when they occur and that I really want to understand him because it is important to me.

I haven't shown him enough that his needs are top priority to me and being with him is such a pleasure. There is nothing else in the world that compares to it!

So.........I have decided to make some changes in how I interact with Max. With insights from the book, my conversations with Charles and other friends and my own desire to have.........The Happiest Toddler In The World..............

I'm learning Toddler-ese.

The language of Toddlers according to Harvey Karp.

I'll write about it and the changes I've made in the next post.

Harmony At Home

Yeah..........We don't have it.

We have gotten over sleep and daycare issues now it is time to focus on Max's behavior when he's at home.

He isn't bad when we are in public and he is being constantly stimulated but when he's at home (especially when both Charles and I are there) Max is doing a lot of whining and demanding of our attention at all times.

Our friend Jennifer, mother of 1 year old Jonas, sent us a link to Harvey Karp's book The Happiest Toddler on the Block. We used the infant version with some success and I like him for some reason so I'm off to get the book tomorrow.

I'll be writing about our experiences.

We'll probably try a few different books and methods but we are definitely going to work on this!

Max is such a sweet boy and I can imagine how difficult it must be to be unable to communicate. I think to myself that it must be frustrating for him to see Charles and I converse and he can't do it.

We've got to get to the bottom of this and get inside the toddler brain as much as possible!

We don't like to get frustrated with Max. It's normal sometimes I know but we love him so much and we don't want him to be frustrated. This is our quest right now!

I will be posting pictures of the house soon. I keep saying that so it will happen.

So Much Better

We are in our new house now and everything is going so much better for us. Since we've moved Max has been sleeping at least 8 hours a stretch and sometimes more! There are a variety of reasons for his sleeping better. Two main reasons are:

1. I stopped breastfeeding on demand at night. This I accomplished by a few long and sleepless nights of holding and rocking without nursing.

2. Max now has a quiet bedroom in the back corner of the house. We put a radio in his room, turn it to the classical station and let it play all night. We also have the humidifier going in there as well.

Enough on that.

Max is saying Mama to me! He says MaaaMa. He looks at me with his sweet eyes and shy smile and says MaaMa.

The first time Max said it while looking at me Charles commented that I looked the happiest I'd been in a long time. He's right. It was so touching. I know I'm a mom and I tell Max all the time that I'm his mommy but to hear it from him makes it more real to me.

The other big deal in our lives is this great house that we live in. It is exceeding our expectations and we can't say enough how much we love the place. It is so far above our other houses in terms of space, design and functionality. It still doesn't seem real to me, especially the kitchen. It's so much easier to work in a functional kitchen, I can't believe it. There are updates to be done but nothing like we've had to do in the past. In my opinion all of the paint colors are tasteful. The kitchen is a bit too white but this mamma doesn't mind a little detail like that these days.

Max has lots of room to roam around and ride his bus through the house. We're all on one level which is awesome in my opinion for dealing with kids. We have a nice back and front yard for Max to explore and a dirt alleyway that is a dead end. I can imagine him riding his bike back there in the years to come. We can also walk to two good parks!

I will be posting some pictures of Max and the house soon but for now I'm really tired and want to relax a little before bed.